The Importance of Being Consentual: A Trivial Article for Serious People

On the Wheel of Consent

"To consent or not to consent, that is the question," remarked nobody of importance ever, for the question itself betrays a fundamental misunderstanding of the matter. The truly modern person does not merely consent, but rather navigates the exquisite complexities of the Wheel of Consent with the same precision with which one selects gloves for an afternoon garden party.

People of inferior understanding believe the Wheel of Consent to be merely a tool for avoiding social impropriety or legal entanglements. How terribly middle-class. Others insist it exists to reconnect one with one's physical intuition—as though the body, that most unfashionable of accessories, required any assistance in making its vulgar demands known.

The truly refined individual, however, recognises that beneath these pedestrian interpretations lies a realm of spiritual qualities so profound that even I, with my considerable vocabulary, find them almost impossible to trivialise.

Serve: On the Refinement of Generosity

In the first quadrant, we find Serve, which cultivates Generosity. True generosity, unlike its common counterfeit, does not consist of giving until one's resources or patience are exhausted. That is merely martyrdom, and martyrs, as a rule, have dreadful fashion sense.

No, true generosity is found in giving precisely what one wishes to give, no more and certainly no less. "I can resist everything except temptation," particularly the temptation to give beyond my genuine willingness in order to appear virtuous. The calibrated gift, freely offered without expectation of reciprocity or social advantage, is the only generosity worth practising. All else is merely commerce disguised as philanthropy.

Take: On the Virtue of Integrity

The second quadrant, Take, cultivates Integrity, that most inconvenient of virtues. To take with integrity is to pursue one's desires with the absolute certainty that they fall within the bounds of another's willingness. Nothing is so unfashionable in society as integrity, which explains why it is so rarely seen at dinner parties.

"The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it," I once remarked. But I neglected to add the crucial qualification—yield only where welcome. Integrity is the art of indulging one's appetites without becoming tediously rapacious. It requires the simultaneous embrace of desire and restraint, a paradox delicious enough to merit my attention.

Allow: On the Delicate Art of Surrender

The Allow quadrant cultivates Surrender, a quality the English particularly struggle with, having built an empire specifically to avoid it. To surrender is to permit another access to oneself for their benefit, while maintaining the absolute sovereignty to withdraw that permission at any moment.

"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying," particularly when I say "yes" while meaning "perhaps" or "no" while meaning "convince me." Surrender requires one to mean precisely what one says, a practice so revolutionary it threatens to undermine the very foundations of polite society.

The true surrenderer creates safety within themselves rather than demanding it from others. They trust not only the taker but also—how thoroughly modern—themselves to maintain their own boundaries. Without this self-trust, surrender becomes mere submission, and submission is only attractive in properly tailored evening wear.

Accept: On the Cultivation of Gratitude

Finally, we arrive at Accept, which cultivates Gratitude. To receive a gift so cleanly that it penetrates one's carefully constructed defences and touches the heart directly—this is the essence of gratitude. "The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention," particularly when that kindness is received without calculation of debt or obligation.

The grateful recipient does not immediately begin planning reciprocation, like a merchant tallying accounts. Instead, they allow themselves to be moved, transformed even, by the pure experience of receiving. In London society, such vulnerability would be considered a scandal worse than being caught reading popular fiction.

Why This Matters, If Indeed Anything Does

The spiritual qualities of the Wheel are not merely practical applications for the improvement of one's romantic entanglements, though they serve admirably in that capacity. They are, rather, the essence of what makes us human in the most divine sense.

The practical aspects of consent are all very well for beginners, but the truly sophisticated practitioner recognises that the soulful dimensions are where the real artistry lies. As I have often observed, "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." The Wheel of Consent simply provides a more comfortable position from which to conduct one's stargazing.

For too long, we have focused on the mechanics of human interaction—the when, where, and how—while neglecting the why. The soulful aspects of consent remind us that beneath our carefully cultivated personae lies a profound hunger for integrity, generosity, surrender, and gratitude.

And that, my dear friends, is an earnestness even I am willing to embrace.